Hello, warm greetings, and heartfelt salutations!
Greeting for the glorious day
Glorious day? May be for you. It’s very windy and chucking down with rain here. It’s so windy the wheelie bins have gone on a walkabout, and they seem to be enjoying the day of their miserable plastic life.
Please refer to my previous mail in which we've sent you the guest posting services …
What? Which previous e-mail?
... but we couldn't get any response from you.
That’s because it must have gone straight to spam and was deleted, which should have happened to this e-mail as well. I must retrain Gmail. Come, Gmail, spam, fetch ...
Now, we’re writing to you to know your views regarding our guest posting services.
Hmm ... Since you have asked, I am letting you know here.
Now a days, After many Google updates in last few months …
When? Which updates?
… Google give more value to the unique content …
More value compared to when?
... which present on the web regarding your business …
You lost me there. Who’s presenting?
... so our guest posting increase the unique content regarding your business over the internet …
Does it really?
... that's why guest posting is playing a vital role in the search engine ranking.
We write 500 to 600 words unique article for each guest post and then we post it on unique and relevant websites with 2 links of your website.
I smell something fishy. Perhaps I should do the laundry.
We follow strict quality criteria to select the websites to post the client’s website content, our quality criteria are following:
Do you now? Let’s see what those criteria are.
• We provide you relevant and thematic link, from authentic and well functioning websites.
Do you really have to specify relevant and thematic link? Or for that matter, authentic and functioning websites? Have you been offering something else before?
• All links must be “do follow” links.
Must they? Even if I pay you, and you pay them? Really?
• We ensure that it should not be a 'FFA' (Free For All) site.
But it might be Fee For All?
• We ensure that the sites must be related to the theme of the campaign.
Yes, I got that message: that was in the first bullet point. I am not that thick, I will have you know.
• We ensure the webmaster to use the proper anchor text/description.
How? By threatening them with a gun to their heads or paying them?
• All links are built manually.
Oh, I like handcrafted things. Are they made of wood?
• All the links are permanent, which we guarantee to work for a long run.
That’s clever: you can demand another payment for removing the link when it turns toxic. You have this business all figured out!
• We offer customized services to specific requirements.
Hmm … Would not specific requirements necessarily demand customization? So if I absolutely require a dancing cat gif on the page, you can accommodate that?
• Website must have at least PR2+
The same PR that Google has been telling us not to bother with?
We are also provide Website Design, Website Development, E-commerce web development, CMS Development, Open Source Development (wordpress, joomla, magento, drupal etc.),SMO, SEO, Content Writing, Data Entry work etc.
Those are lots of different specialist areas! You must have a team of great experts. Why isn’t there any mention of your website, so I can check? Why are you sending this message from a Gmail address? How many employees or members of staff do you have? Wait, you are not just a lone operator by any chance? Are you? Hello?
So if you have any requirement for web work then consider us.
Waiting for your positive and sooner response
Why don’t you go away (or an expression to that effect in a far more colourful language)?